I'm sad but I know the guy's so confused and really I don't need someone like that in my life.
To think I sat there while he had me on this rollercoaster from hell because I care about him and felt this strong connection to him. I basically let him sort out his stuff at my expense. I sat there and tried to tell him not to tell me he loves me until he's sure he doesn't want to see other people, knowing that in his situation, he should want to see other people. What does he do? Tells me he loves me and days later, takes it back....says we moved too fast and he DOES want to see other people.
We have so much in common and so many things about us are alike, we just seemed like we fit. I felt so comfortable in his arms, and i KNOW it was mutual. He's got to see what else is out there, and while I understand that, I don't appreciate the rollercoaster. It doesn't make it hurt and less that he wants to see other people when I thought we were so into each other. He was telling me he could see us being serious, that he doesn't think he's going to find someone else with a connection to him like we have. I understnad the need to look, but it kills me when I'm standing in front of him just trying to make him happy, in spite of all the fucked up things he said to me.
Last night was an issue. He told me there's really very little he'd change about me...and that little thing is my weight. This made me wonder if this is why he can't commit to me. I'm sure alot of it has to do with the way his wife left him. This devastated me last night and we talked and things got heated and i got a bit nasty.
We agree to see each other today, fool around. He's got a date tomorrow, and we got to discussing that and last night. Ended up breaking up and leaving him in the room. I feel terrible but at the same time don't. He said he doesn't think we can see each other anymore bc i want something serious and he doesn't. WELL, good luck finding what we had...or better. psh.
I was thinking I needed to wait before dating again...but I'm not feeling so weepy and miserable so I think I'm going to try and make plans. I've got 2 on okc that are interested so we'll see what happens. :)
Current Mood: optimistic